


Caesar

by Astronaut_Milky, barbaesparza, keraunoscopia, mrbarbacarisi, OblivionCastro, Skysquid22, Uncommonbisisst



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 21:16:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13866174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/pseuds/Astronaut_Milky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaesparza/pseuds/barbaesparza, https://archiveofourown.org/users/keraunoscopia/pseuds/keraunoscopia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrbarbacarisi/pseuds/mrbarbacarisi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OblivionCastro/pseuds/OblivionCastro, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skysquid22/pseuds/Skysquid22, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uncommonbisisst/pseuds/Uncommonbisisst
Summary: Sonny's guilt over Rafael's death leads to a heartbreaking journey of grief, regret, and vengeance.





	Caesar

“Sonny, do I really have to eat this?”

Sonny rolls his eyes. Rafael really does have to start eating healthy. All this coffee and cake can’t be good for him, not like a good-old fashioned salad.

“Yep.”

“I don’t want to.”

Sonny gasps in astonishment. He’s never known anyone but children to deny eating salad, especially  _ his _ salad.

“Come on, Rafael. You wanted to eat healthier right? It’s just salad, and I made it so you know it tastes delicious.” 

Rafael sighs. Carisi’s ego depresses him sometimes. 

“But it makes me feel like a goat.”

Sonny can’t help but laugh. The badass ADA feels like a goat when he eats salad? 

“Stop being so dramatic, would you?” 

Rafael rolls his eyes. 

“Fine.” 

Rafael takes a bite of the leafy greens. It’s the first time he’s had salad since he was a child. The lettuce tastes foreign on his tongue, and suddenly, Rafael starts to choke. He can’t breath. 

Sonny doesn’t know CPR. He skipped that necessary requirement in becoming a police officer, he thought it wasn’t important. 

He doesn’t know what to do. 

“Fuck, Rafael stay with me. Stay with me, okay? Breathe.  _ Swallow the damn lettuce. _ ”

He doesn’t and the ambulance doesn’t make it on time.

Two paramedics run in and assess him, and than, much to Sonny dismay, he receives the news: 

“He’s dead, sir.” 

Sonny is disappointed.

“But he was just starting to eat healthy.” 

Sonny thinks about how nobody ever taught the Harvard-educated ADA how to swallow leafy greens. 

His phone interrupts his thoughts. It’s Liv.

“Sonny, is Barba okay!?!?!?!” 

Sonny stays silent.

“Sonny.”

“the cost... of eating the salad... was death.” 

Liv chokes back a sob.

“Too high…

“Too healthy.” 

They both begin to cry. 

~~~

 

Rafael’s funeral is as cheap as the coffee he bought before Sonny made him eat healthy. 

Sonny thought he at least deserved that.

It’s still a beautiful service, with the squad, Lucia. 

Lucia. 

Sonny should probably talk to her, but ever since his death, he’s been worried about having to confront his boyfriend’s mother? What if she blames him?

Slowly and ever so cautiously, he begins to approach. 

“Hi, Mrs. Barba.” 

He barely hears her reply. 

“Were there at least tomatoes in the salad?”

“What?”

“You heard me, Sonny.  _ Were there tomatoes?” _

There weren’t.

“No, just leafy greens, I ran out of tomatoes from the sauce I cooked the-”

“Oh God, oh God,  _ my boy choked on a tomatoless salad oh Lord, what a disappointment.” _

Great.

Lucia regains her composure.

“You know, Sonny, Alex Munoz wouldn't have died eating a salad”

Sonny sighs. She’s right.

SUdDENly, Sonny, seeing Lucia’s disappointment, realizes just how badly salad can affect a man’s life.

He realizes what he must do.

Become an anti-salad crusader. 

~~~

 

In his grief, Sonny Carisi resigns from the NYPD and dedicates his life to this anti-salad crusade. 

Sonny quickly gains the support of 10-year-olds worldwide.

Sometimes, he’ll rally some up and march the streets yelling:

“HEALTH BUT AT WHAT COST?”. 

Anything he has to do to stop the MADNESS, stop senseless deaths like Rafael’s. 

So far millions of piggy bank’s have been donated. 

And today, in an attempt to stop salads in school lunches FOR THE CHILDREN, Sonny will fight a salad. 

The fight starts at 10 a.m.

Sonny  _ will  _ win. 

~~~

 

Sonny doesn’t win.

He’d tried stabbing the caesar, but it got the better of him. 

Sonny burst into tears. 

_ Rafael had choked on a caesar salad.  _

The caesar escaped.

Sonny had failed, ceased by a caesar.

His donations begin to disappear, and in months, Sonny has no supporters left, he’s just that guy who failed at fighting a salad. 

These days, Sonny bursts into tears any time he so much as glances at a salad leaf.

~~~~

 

Sonny uses the rest of his funds to buy a pet goat named Rafael. 

It’s stupid, Rafael didn’t even like goats.

But having something to remember him bye is somewhat comforting. 

One day, while he and Rafael II nibble on their non-murderous candy, Sonny hears his name, quietly at first, and than loudly.

_ “SONNY!”   _

Sonny can’t believe his eyes.

It’s Rafael. 

Sonny runs towards him. 

“Raf-”

“ _ No _ , Sonny listen to me,  _ eat your goddamn leafy greens, you fucking moron. _

“It… it makes me feel like a sad goat.”

“For the love of God, Son-”

Rafael disappears.

Sonny longs for his ghost form to berate him again. 

Later that night, Sonny has his first nightmare in months, it’s filled with goats and salad bowls, and now Sonny looks at Rafael II and all he sees is goat cheese salad.

He begins to cry. 

~~~

 

Lately, Rollins has been trying to help him. 

Sonny never did take ghost Rafael’s advice, and over the last year, he’s developed several vitamin deficiencies. 

Rollins introduced him to green smoothies, but he still cries when he drinks them.    
She tells him to pretend, it's nothing but an exotic... fruit drink, but God, Sonny knows it’s more than that.

How can he pretend when the perils of salad are so real? 

Sonny hates it, but next time Rollins makes him an avocado one with spinach mixed in, like he's a child.

He can drink that.

Rollins is a good friend.

~~~

 

Sonny must be getting worse, because it’s not just Rollins anymore, but Liv too. 

These days, Liv takes Sonny out to eat regularly for  _ fun _ , but Sonny knows it’s just to take his mind off things.

It never turns out well though.

Last week, they went to Applebee’s and… and… the waitress asked,

"Do you want fries or salad with that?"

Sonny’s lip couldn’t help but quiver, and soon enough, he was fell face first onto the table, tears streaming down his face.

"He'll take the fries," Liv had told her politely. "So will I, actually."

That wasn’t the only time Sonny lost it while out with Liv though.

Last month, someone tried to clink glasses with him, but they say 'Salud' and he had to choke back tears as he drank his beer because he thought they said salad.

They’re trying again today.

And today, Sonny’s going to eat a salad.

He’s been getting therapy lately, and today’s the day he decides, today he will embrace those leafy greens again. 

After some small-talk, Liv and Sonny finally get their meals, she’s gotten salad too.

"I'm really proud of you, Sonny, this is the first time since Rafael died," Liv says kindly.

"I feel like vomiting, but it helps that it’s so wilted, it basically looks like compost."

"That's it," Liv encourages as he begins to take a bite. 

Sonny hasn’t eaten salad in years though, and the leafy greens feel foreign to his tongue, and suddenly, Sonny begins to choke. He can’t breathe.

Liv, after all these years, has forgotten CPR.

Sonny dies.

~~~

 

Sonny steps into Salad Hell with some trepidation. 

He’d always expected to go to Heaven. 

But then, he sees Rafael and all his fear falls away. 

He can accept this.

Sonny runs to Rafael with open arms. 

"Hey Rafi,  the cost was worth it. I've cu-come-ber here to be with you.” 

"We're together now, Sonny, I missed you so much."

"We- Why are we in hell? What did we do?"

"I guess they weren't lying about the sodomy," Rafael shrugs.

"You're fucking kidding me, the food in hell is salad?"

"Yeah, but sodomy is fine," Rafael says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Sonny sighs. "I guess salad isn't so bad as long as you're with me."

"Yeah," Rafael says softly, smiling as his fiery eyes glint. "To eternity," he toasts, raising his fork, a piece of lettuce suspended on the end.

"Sodomy. I mean, eternity."

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to all the author's who contributed! As sad as this was, it was nice to see us all push through and get it done. 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos appreciated.


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